#Feminism

This is not written for men. Nor is it written for women. This is not about men nor is it about women. This is about feminism and my ignorance thereof. What I have often witnessed as acts/ ideas labelled as feministic, have made me question what the true meaning behind the movement is.

What is feminism? A high school classmate once made a very compelling speech about why she’s not a feminist. Her main tagline read: “I am not a feminist because feminism is not about equality anymore.” That has always been something that has struck and stuck with me. I feel that now it is the time to embrace my ignorance and transform it into a solid belief. While feminist movements are in strong support all over the world, it is only now that I’ve really come to delve into trying to understand and possibly be part of the movement officially, because, although I am strongly opinionated about the views and rights of women, there have been certain facets of the movement that have made me hesitant to join. Be warned, I am not learned in the writings, events and detailed history of the movement. Instead, this writing is my own personal discovery of what I believe it means to be a ‘feminist’. I hope that the blind, child-like approach to the topic may help you to reexamine and rediscover your own personal views and beliefs for the better.

So, let’s begin by imagining a balancing scale, with one side noticeably heavier than the other side. Each side of the scale represents the views, opinions and respect of each gender in society. We chose the heavier side to represent females. The scale is heavier on this side because it is weighed down by the judgements, opinions, expectations, discrimination and disrespect that women can face at any point in their lives for the sake of their gender. The lighter side is for the men. Their side is not empty, for it would be a foolish misjudgment to believe men do not experience any of the above mentioned hardships, but yes, as the scale stands their hardships are not as burdensome as those of women. In my opinion, the scales can be balanced in 1 of 3 ways: remove weight from side 1, add weight to side 2, remove and add weight to both sides until the scale is balanced. It is important that we understand each plan of action in depth before jumping hastily to a favourite.

Firstly, option one: remove weight from side 1, the side of the females. This entails putting in systems, movements, changing policies and minds about the views, opinions and treatment of women. It is solely aimed at uplifting women, by eradicating the burdens suffered by mothers and daughters alike. 

Option two: add weight to side 2, the side of the men. This method entails ‘reminding’ the world of the horrors committed by men in an attempt to shame, disgrace and ridicule them into changing their ways. Bringing their evils to light, insulting them or shaming all men for the acts of only those who are in wrong has only made each other angrier. I know that this is a very controversial topic and I admit that I have no authority to state what is right and wrong and what men should be blamed for, but unfortunately neither does anyone else. We are all just people trying to be in charge of the actions of other people, and while it’s exciting to believe we have the power to change behaviour, self-change is ultimately and always a personal choice. 

Lastly, then we have option three: remove and add weight to both sides of the scale until even. At first glance, this may be the most favourable solution. It entails uplifting women but also ‘taking men down a peg’. In my most unprofessional opinion, this seems to be the order of the day for most feminists lately and from what I’ve seen it has only served to drive men even further from the movement. I do not say this lightly. We cannot preach to uplift while simultaneously tearing down, for then we become hypocrites. If we chose to follow this course of action, then we must tread carefully. Every man, though male, is still human. Every human, a different individual. For option three to be viable and effective, we must implement and change the public view of women, by women and men alike. We all need to remember that the female gender is a force to be reckoned with and has every right and ability to be as successful as its male counterpart. 

Secondly, we need to remember that, if we are serious about standing for equality, we cannot let one gender become less than the other. Yes, that means no matter how disgraceful men can be, our objective should be to make them see the errors of their ways and have them change. It does not help much to make men angry, defensive and stubborn when it comes to such matters. Remember the end goal. Equality and mutual respect. Now that we have weighed every option, what seems to be the best course of action? The answer seems pretty clear.

Remember: Feminism was born out of frustration and exhaustion. Exhaustion from being considered less than for a reason that never made sense in the first place. Women have been the backbones of society, communities and families for as long as time itself. Mothers, wives, daughters and sisters, hear this: the strength we possess is far more than we’ve managed to show. Even when people can say “She is a rock” or “I don’t know how she manages it all”, they don’t see most of what we can do. Our power is like an iceberg, only 10% is visible. The other 90% is hidden under water. Our strength lies in the moments we chose to speak for peace instead of revenge in times of injustice. It comes from our ability to handle studies, work, relationships, friendships and ourselves with the grace of a toddler riding a unicycle and yet still somehow be able to remain upright, all the while being a woman in the 21^st century. We have strength yes. But it is not pretty. It is not easy and it’s often not very graceful. But what makes us so special is the fact that we can make men believe it is.

So now I see clearly when it comes to feminism. I realise, like anything in life, do not believe blindly. Not everything labelled “feminism” serves to bring about gender equality. I think we should always decide for ourselves what it is we stand for before aligning with others so as to never find yourself fighting for a cause you do not truly understand. My advice is, arm yourself with knowledge always. Think twice about what you claim to believe, and always stay true to your good heart. Ultimately we all want the best for our women so men, play your part and choose their success over their oppression. The world would be a much better place for it. Women, honour yourselves above the systems in place in society. I for one will always fight for gender equality.

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If you want to start with some light reading when it comes to what we should teach others about feminism, I urge you to read Dear Ijeawele, a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. It's a gem. If you guys have any other great reminders, comments, pointers or just want to vent out your frustrations, please leave a comment and let’s keep talking Louder.